Trapped by Commitment

Why sticking it out isn’t always the right move, and how to know when to quit, commit, or endure.

A few months back, I published a newsletter and video. The summary: If you're facing a challenge, either work on it or move past it. Don't get stuck in between.

Based on the number of reads and views these pieces of content garnered, it clearly struck a nerve.

But it occurred to me the other day that, in the last few years, I found myself in a leadership position that was both critical for me to complete but well outside my "Zone of Genius." (And by "Zone of Genius," I mean that sweet confluence of passion and ability.)

And now that I'm eight months removed from this role, I thought it was time to reflect on these situations where we find ourselves "victims" of our own commitment.

But first, the background:

The role I found myself misaligned with was serving on my local church board. I was about halfway through my 2nd 3-year term when I realized how grossly misaligned this assignment was (and is) with how I'm wired.

Church boards, rightly so, move slowly. After all, there are 13 or more people in each meeting, almost all of whom weigh in. As they should.

But the real crux of the issue?

I'm used to being either the deciding voice or part of a tiny team of "deciding voices."

To have a small say but no real ability to implement, to me, was anathema. For years, I was driven insane by the fact that resolutions were suggested, but never embraced by the final decision-makers. I simply could not handle it. And at times, I was uncomfortable to be around in these meetings. I was so far out of alignment with what I'm good at that I would arrive and leave each meeting dejected, frustrated, and just wanting out.

And this incongruity had an effect. I found myself slowly slipping into a weird, desensitized depression as my term neared an end. I was not the person I needed to be. And I felt terrible. I felt terrible because church boards need people. I felt terrible because I made the commitment. I felt terrible because I was failing. Yes, failing.

And why was I failing? Because I was in the wrong seat on the bus.

And so the thing I try so hard to achieve (getting the right people in the right seat) was something I myself was falling short in.

But here's the reality: not all misalignments can be fixed quickly. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is grit our way through it. Sometimes success is in showing up and just not quitting.

So, here are the questions I find helpful when deciding to quit or stick it out:

Is not quitting harming me, emotionally or otherwise?

If yes, it's time to move on. It's simply not worth it to continually expose oneself to mental or emotional anguish.

Would my quitting hurt those around me? (I mean, truly cause irreparable damage.)

I have to think long and hard about this sometimes. Because sometimes when we quit things, it sends a message, intended or otherwise.

In my situation, quitting would most certainly have 1) been known by many others very quickly and 2) been a veiled "vote of no confidence." This potential damage was not worth risking.

Is the commitment finite?

Is there an end to this, or is it a "life sentence?" If there is an end (and the older I get, the more I gravitate towards roles with a defined end), then hopefully you can make it.

So here are the questions for you:

What are you doing right now that is outside your "Zone of Genius?" Do you need to bear down and endure, because your finishing will have an impact? Or do you need to jettison the role, allowing someone else, someone who's a better fit, to step in?

It's a tough call. In the end, I decided to persevere. And you know what, 2/3 of a year later, I'm not sure that was the right move.

So I'll end with this: just because you quit, it doesn't mean you're a quitter. And just because you endure doesn't mean you made the right call. Ultimately, we must ask ourselves whether our involvement in these matters is a win or a loss for the organization. And that, friends, is the ultimate question.

So perhaps my original newsletter should have been "Work on It, Get Over It, or Outlast It..."

Thanks for reading this post. I appreciate you. In return, please share this with those you know who may be interested.

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