Helping a Team Member Through Tragedy
When a team member is facing a tragedy, you have an opportunity. Don't let it pass.
In mid-2023, an exceptionally valuable member of our team faced a life-changing family tragedy. This tragedy led to months of care, rehabilitation, and therapy for the family members involved.
It also placed an exceptional outside-of-work and inside-of-work burden on a team member we care for deeply.
For nearly two years, I've thought about this every week. Most of those thoughts were feelings that I did not handle it as I should have. I think they call that regret.
There's no way to go back in time and change things. However, I hope this newsletter helps you should, God forbid, a team member walk through a similar tragedy. I guess that may be the only good I can harvest from this, but it's better than nothing.
So here are the four things I will do better next time:
Stabilize and Support
Immediately following the tragedy is the time to stabilize and support. Reassign all tasks to others on the team, or step in yourself. Essentially, you're trying to buy time and space for the team member to allocate all resources toward the tragedy.
Do your best to "read the room." Does the team member want to talk about it? Do they want to be left alone for a while to process? This can be foreign for many entrepreneurs who are wired to jump in, resolve quickly, devise a plan, and push things forward. But patience is needed above all else.
Don't Discount the Small Things
Small gestures can mean a lot. DoorDash gift cards. Flowers. Visiting at the hospital or at home. All of these can go a long way towards the team member knowing they are cared for.
Small communication opportunities (texts and check-in calls) can also be helpful, although this must be balanced to prevent over-communicating. Obviously, each situation and individual is different, so it's back to "reading the room" as much as possible.
Assess Timeline and Offer Options
Once the tragedy has stabilized, sit down for a heart-to-heart about the coming months.
There will likely be a lot of unknowns. This is okay. Talk through the various forks in the road your team member faces, and discuss plans for each.
If the team member wants to keep working during the challenging time, offer to modify schedules, work locations, and responsibilities. Some want to maintain the welcome distractions, while others must be free to focus on the tragedy. It is critical to keep an open mind about these arrangements and ensure the team member knows they're available.
One thing to remember: if your team member is an A-player, they'll be uniquely burdened with both the tragedy and some level of concern or guilt about not being able to do their job to its fullest. This may sound odd to some ("How could you possibly worry about work at a time like this?"), but for those who take remarkable responsibility, it is a thing. You are lucky if you have a few of these types of folks on your team.
Show Appreciation
If your team member remains at work as they navigate the issue, show them untold amounts of appreciation. Realize the sacrifices they are making to help your business continue on. Thinking these things is not good enough. It must be verbalized, it must be memorialized, it must be authentic, and it must be consistent.
Here's to hoping you file this newsletter away and never have to return to it!
But if it does become necessary, my hope is you do better than I did.
Thanks for reading this post. I appreciate you. In return, please share this with those you know who may be interested.
Books of Note: It took me nearly three months, but I just finished Andrew Carnegie by David Nasaw. I was struck by Carnigie's ability to manage an absolutely massive Pittsburg company (what became US Steel) while living in New York and Scotland. (In the telegraph era, nonetheless.) Indeed, it is a worthwhile read for those who love a mix of human and business biographies.