The Showdown: Leading a Contentious Meeting

You know those meetings that have your stomach turning the moment your alarm goes off the day of? Well, there's a formula for them, and it's your best chance at success.

We all have them.

Meetings that are teed up to be a showdown.

Maybe it's an angry customer. Maybe it's a team member with significant grievances. Maybe it's a family member that's quite upset with something you've said or done. (Or maybe they think you've said or done…)

Regardless, it's part of life, especially for business leaders.

Good news: there's a formula that gives these meetings the best chance of being productive and not just combative. 

Here it is:

Step 1: Set the Tone

At the start of the meeting, make it clear the meeting is about solutions.

"We're here to chart a path forward, so let's focus on that as soon as possible."

Then, discover and affirm how the aggrieved party is feeling.

"It appears you're feeling 'X' about this. Is that the case?"

Now, show empathy.

"I know what it's like to feel 'X.' In fact, I felt that way myself when…"

This not only demonstrates your understanding of their issues but also creates a connection via shared emotional experiences.

Lastly, describe what will happen next in the meeting.

"I'd love to take a moment and assess this issue, then learn what you would consider a successful outcome. Then, I'd like to list our path forward and make sure we all know what we need to do next. Sound good?"

Step 2: Assess the Issue

Calmly ask the aggrieved party for a moment to assess the situation, if applicable.

For example, you're on a job site, and the customer is unsatisfied with the countertops.

Ask the customer for a moment to look at the countertops in detail. No talking. No complaining. Simply quiet observation.

Or maybe the grievance is over a contract, a text, an email, etc. Calmly ask to review the item, even if you don't need to or have already seen it.

This quiet moment brings down the collective blood pressure in the room. Even 60 seconds of silence does wonders to reduce anxiety and help all parties focus.

Step 3: Define a Successful Result

Now, ask the aggrieved party to describe what they want to see or want to happen.

Often, I'll find they have a hard time doing this. Sometimes, it's because the grievance is not genuine. Sometimes, it's because they don't know if what they're asking for is possible. Sometimes, they know immediately and can explain it well!

No matter what, this forces the aggrieved party to think hard about their issue.

Often, this causes them to realize they're being ridiculous or that their "list of issues" is actually just one or two things that need to be addressed.

As the aggrieved party is talking, take notes and dictate the notes out loud.

"OK, so you don't like the window sill here. And you want it to look more 'modern.' Is that correct?"

Get to the point where you have a clear definition of what would completely and thoroughly resolve the situation.

Step 4: Define Next Steps

Make a list of what actions must be taken.

Do not assign the actions. Do not discuss the financial implications of the actions. Do not do anything other than list the actions.

You want to do this because if you mix in assignments, money, etc., it hinders the brain's ability to solve the problem creatively. It introduces too many variables. Keep it simple.

Step 5: Assign, Recap & Debate (If needed)

Now, go through each action item and assign them.

Then, recap the successful result, the actions needed, and who is doing each task.

It's at this point that debate should occur. For example, if one of the action items will lead to additional cost or liability, let the debate proceed.

Why?

Because if you lead with fault, cost, financial responsibility, liability, etc., it's challenging to define success. Also, if you have that debate too early, without all the information being discussed, it's easy for all parties to jump to the wrong conclusion.

No Guarantee, But Increases the Odds

Does the process above guarantee everyone is leaving the meeting happy? No!

It doesn't even guarantee the meeting will end with a resolution.

But I assure you this process will dramatically increase the odds of a successful resolution. And that's all you can hope for!

I’d love it if a few more folks read this newsletter. Might you consider forwarding it to someone you think might benefit from it?

Books of Note: I just finished reading Live Younger Longer. It's a concise, brief book about the 6 small things we can all do to reduce our susceptibility to heart disease and cancer. This is not a diet book, and it's not about asking us to do anything crazy. It's just solid information on how to prolong your healthy years. It's worth a read!

I’d love a follow over on X (Twitter) and Linkedin, as I post things there that are either too brief for the newsletter or are just entertaining things I come up with over a responsibly-sized serving of Blanton’s.