The Sandcastle I Didn't Know I Was Building
You don't notice it happening. Then you look up and realize you've built something you can't replace.
There’s a relationship in my life I sometimes take for granted.
I’ve been working with my coach, Greg, for about 15 years now.
Fifteen years.
It’s only an hour. It used to be every week. These days it’s every two weeks. And here’s the thing about an hour every two weeks: you don’t really notice it while it’s happening.
You just talk. You walk through whatever’s in front of you that day. You hang up. You get back to work.
But over time, something happens that you don’t see coming.
You look up one day and realize you’ve formed this amazing sandcastle of support. A whole library of situations, challenges, and victories the two of you have walked through together. And it’s astounding when you finally see the size of it.
That’s what hit me recently. An overwhelming sense of gratitude that I have a fellow soldier in the foxhole of life with me.
The Hours That Mattered Most
If I had to point to the time it mattered most, it was 2021, when I purchased AAI Tile & Stone.
I’d never done an acquisition. It was a very stretching experience for me, professionally. The deal itself was challenging, and Greg and I walked through all of it.
But the deal wasn’t the hardest part.
The hardest part came after. For six to nine months, it just felt like things were crazy. Everything was new. Everything was uncomfortable.
And Greg helped me walk through that window. He’s great at one thing in particular: reminding me of “the why.” The reason I do the things I do. Because in the moment, it’s easy for me to forget.
That stretch is probably the most helpful window I can recall.
What a (Good) Coach Actually Does
Here’s what I’ve figured out about why this works.
First and foremost, it’s the ability to verbally process. To talk through things out loud. For me, that’s perhaps the best form of counseling I can get.
And it’s all about the questions he asks, not the answers he gives.
I can’t recall Greg ever telling me what to do. Not once in 15 years. He asks great questions. He uses experience sharing. He lets me get there myself.
There are even times I make a decision he probably thinks is the wrong one. And he still supports it. It’s that old adage: we might disagree on the front end, but once the decision is made, we’re all in together on implementing it.
That’s the relationship. There’s a brutal honesty to it. There’s reciprocity in it. But be cautioned: those things don’t show up on day one. They build over time.
The Power Is in the Cadence
The other piece people miss is the consistency.
It’s that time on the calendar that doesn’t get scheduled over and doesn’t get missed, except in very rare circumstances.
Sometimes we get on the call and there’s nothing to talk about. And somehow those turn into the most amazing conversations. Other times there’s a real, pressing event we have to work through. Either way, the consistency of the moment is what matters.
There’s real power in the cadence. It’s not the intensity, it’s the rhythm.
The Other Side
I’ve started coaching now, myself.
And I’m watching the same thing start to happen. The early layers of a sandcastle, stacking up one conversation at a time.
Funny how that works.
A Warning for You, My Fellow Operators
So here’s the deal.
If you own or operate a business, you need someone in your life who fills this role. Maybe it’s a professional coach. Maybe it’s someone you pay. Maybe it’s neither. But you need someone to talk with on a regular basis to process through this very difficult job.
Because this is not for the faint of heart.
You are lonely at times. You’re at the top. You’re dealing with hard issues. And if you keep that struggle bundled up inside, it’s going to manifest. It’s going to come out as a monster you don’t understand and don’t want to look in the eye.
We have to process these things. We can’t bottle them up.
Call it “entrepreneurial hygiene.” It’s completely necessary. And if you don’t address it, you’re going to be in a bad spot down the road.
I don’t want that for you.
As always, if you’d like to chat about topics like this, I’m here for you: scott@scottmonday.com.
This week's YouTube video is the fascinating story of the rise and fall of Napster. You 70s and 80s kids remember Napster, right? Check it out!
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