Family Meetings: Cut the Crazy in 30 Minutes a Week

Despite occasional eye-rolling when it’s go-time, the weekly family meeting has dramatically improved our lives.

As my family grew, so did the chaos.

Pretty soon, days were filled with kid activities and work, and nights were filled with kid activities and a semblance of a social life.

It was out of control. I felt disconnected, like I was a stranger in my own family, coming and going from 12-hour work days, founding a company, and dealing with a tough economy only to arrive home and not know where my family was, what they had done, what they were doing, or, sadly, how I could participate.

So the CEO of the home (my wife) and I sat down. We talked. We listened. And we (gasp!) devised a plan to help solve the problem.

Thus, the Monday Family Meeting was born.

Now, this sounds like a workshop topic at the Type-A Personality Convention. You know, the type of thing that, 20 years from now, deep into therapy, the kids would bring up. (“Yes, doctor, my parents were crazy. I mean, we had a family meeting. Once a week. A. Family. Meeting!”)

Alas, nearly a decade after starting them, the family meeting has become a critical part of our healthy family dynamic.

Here’s what our family meeting looks like:

1 — Roll Call (1 minute)

My 10-year-old still loves this, and my teens tolerate it. Deep down, though, they love hearing their name called. They love making silly noises to signify their presence. They love shouting “here” loud enough for the neighbors to acknowledge the meeting has commenced.

2 — Atta Boy/Atta Girl (5 minutes)

This next part of the meeting involves my wife and I telling each kid one or more things from the week that we appreciated. Now, I’m certainly not one of those “throw a party when they learn to walk” kind of parents. Those parents annoy me. I feel like they do a disservice to their children by creating a Pavlovian response to doing what they should already be doing. But it’s essential we reinforce the good; we indeed point out the bad when needed.

And a funny thing happened when we started doing this in our meetings: the kids started wanting to encourage each other. And then us. And then the dog. And even the neighbor, who, despite his advanced years, walks every day. (It went something like this: “I wanna give an atta-boy to Jim for going on a walk today despite being soooooooo old.”)

3 — Weekly Look-Ahead (10–15 minutes)

This is my favorite part of the meeting and the main reason we started conducting them. 

With calendars in hand, we review the next 8–9 days and discuss what’s coming up. Sounds so simple, so obvious. But we endured years of unclear expectations for each other, missed events, double-booking, and, at its essence, terrible communication until we got a handle on this topic. 

As the kids got older and activities outside the home increased, this was critical in making sure we not only did what we needed to do but also pushed aside the things that soon negatively dominated our lives.

4 — Allowance & Chores (5 minutes)

In our household, chores started around age 3. My wife has done a fantastic job teaching the kids how to work, contribute, and enjoy the self-esteem boost that accompanies a job well done. At about age four or so, we start giving an allowance for these chores. It’s a small amount, of course. Our rule of thumb is half their age in dollars weekly. (5 years old = $2.50/week)

For example, then we had a 7-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a chore-exempt 1-year-old; the dog got fed, the floors got swept, the garbage got taken out, the eggs got collected (chicken, not human), the recycling got processed, the dinner table got set, and the chickens got fed. All for $6.00 a week.

To clarify, little of this equation concerns the chores themselves. The work would get done regardless. But the allowance concept during the family meeting does a few things: 

• Each kid has to be accountable for their chores. If the chores were not completed, payment is not made. They learn the cause-and-effect of their actions. 

• We pay the allowance in change, so the kids, right then and there, can offer their tithe and savings. They learn to give and save, lifelong habits lost on so many Americans. 

• They learn how to take care of money, from counting to properly keeping it in one place. Definitely not the main lesson, but an excellent byproduct.

So that’s what we do, once a week, usually on a Saturday or Sunday before dinner. Perhaps this concept will work in your family, and maybe you, too, can get a semblance of control over the uncontrollable…

Books of Note: Dan Sullivan’s Who Not How was one of my top reads from 2022. I ended up listening to it 3 times, passed it on to the kbCRATE team, and heard nothing but positive responses. In fact, “Who-Not-How It” has become a bit of a rallying cry when facing a challenging task we’re stuck on. Please give it a listen!

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